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How to be a good submissive

Ideas, Thoughts, Techniques on being  a good Slave

It is a question that many submissives ask.

How do you be a good slave?

How do you do what is required of you?

To be honest, it isn’t a question that can have a definitive answer. The world of BDSM and S & M is so vast, with so many areas, that it is impossible to pinpoint “this is how you do it properly”. For example, a slave who undergoes small penis humiliation has an entirely different set of regulations, for want of a better word, than a sissy maid has. Likewise, the sissy maid has different requirements than a cock and ball torture slave.

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So the question you should be asking is how do I be a good slave? The answer to that lies very much is what type of s&m activities you are “into”.

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It should also be noted that while it is important to be, or at least want to be, a good slave it is equally important to have a good Mistress, one who actually knows what she is doing.

There are hundreds of women out there and on femdom cam sites who think it is easy to be a dominatrix. You call a guy a pig or a loser, maybe slap his balls a few times or give him a few whacks with a cane and that’s all there is to it. Wrong.

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On so many levels. A good Dominatrix, a REAL Mistress, will understand that a slave can only be a good slave if he is effectively nurtured. That might seem strange to some. “Nurtured? They’re slaves. You treat them like dirt don’t you?”. Technically you do but you have to remember, a slave is like a pencil. If you break it, it’s no good for you. Likewise, if you break your male slave then he’s no use to you after that.

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A proper Domme will take the time to find out what a subs area of preference in BDSM is and then what his limits are then pushed them to the edge but not way over them. Only with a good mistress can a good slave be found.

So back to the question that brought you here. Firstly, you need to admit what turns you on. You need to admit to yourself you want SPH, CBT, sissy maid crossdressing, boot worship or whatever it is about BDSM that gets you off. When you are ready to admit it to a dominatrix, you will be able to be a better slave.

You need to accept that fundamentally, femdom, BDSM and S&M are fantasy. Lifestyle and permanently live in slaves do exist but the majority of submissive males, especially the type who are reading this, are in it for the fantasy.

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They want to be owned, made to serve and be dominated but only for as long as a session. You can always be a sub to females but a femdom session is a different thing. That is why you need to admit what you want and be detailed. It’s no good saying “I want to be humiliated” to a Mistress. Humiliated how? SPH? Cuckolded? Fat Shaming? Name-calling? Boot or ass worship? There are 5 examples off the top of my head, and there are hundreds possibly thousands of other examples.

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If you just say “humiliate me” then she has to totally guess what you really want and if it’s not what you are fantasising then you will not respond to it in the way that is expected. Do you think this will make you a good slave? Hardly!

Likewise, if you like cock and ball torture but you neglect to tell her, hoping she can read your mind, and she goes down the route of anal play then you will obviously resist this and begin to act out. That is no good to anyone.

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There are two types of female domination. Sensual and strict. Sensual is where a soft-spoken Domme will have a slave but be kind to him. Speaking nicely, having him rub her feet, fetch her tea etc. She is always in charge and he always knows his place but it is a calm environment where a slave is treated fairly.

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The other type is strict. This one is where the sub is treated like dirt. Slapped, kicked, mocked, ridiculed, humiliated and insulted. These sessions are more brutal, for want of a better word, and the Dominatrixes need to know what kind of sub you are. If you are a sensual type, then having her sneer and spit at you isn’t going to work. Likewise, if you desire a man-hater then her asking you to fetch her a cup of tea isn’t going to get your motor running.

So now we have established that you need to tell your Domme what you want and enjoy, how do you be what is expected? Well, the fundamental number one rule is “Always be respectful”.

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This woman is naturally dominant and as such sees herself superior to you. This isn’t part of the roleplay or fantasy. A true Dominatrix feels this way 24/7.

Therefore she must always be treated with the utmost respect. That means calling her Mistress (teenage Dommes sometimes prefer Princess), following her commands to the letter and not answering back.

A good slave will know what his owner wants before she asks. If he sits down after a days shopping, she shouldn’t have to tell you to take her boots off and rub her feet.  If she bends over, you should worship her ass before she has to tell you. However, you need to be careful you don’t overstep your boundaries. An overeager slave is not a good slave. She might not want you salivating and touching her so it is a very fine line, one which must be treated with caution.

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Of course, being a good slave is not always about doing exactly as you are told. Some subs like to be punished. You might enjoy a whipping, a spanking or a belting. Maybe some face slapping or hair pulling.

You can “step out of line” and receive this but still be considered “good”. A good Domina will know the difference between disrespect and purposeful wrongdoing as part of the roleplay fantasy. You don’t need to worry about not being seen as a good slave if you need to be punished. It doesn’t make you a bad one

So in conclusion, being a good slave is not an exact science nor totally reliant on the submissive. To be a good sub you must show respect, be honest and don’t be afraid. If you are genuinely afraid of your Mistress when she isn’t doing her job right.

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You should fear to displease her but if you are terrified then you will not be effective. To be a good slave you need to be scared of upsetting her but not so terrified you piss your pants at the thought of angering her. It is a balance. One which you will find as you enter the world of BDSM and find a Mistress

Below is some Bdsm Rules for Slaves to follow

1. I should always address my Sir/Mistress the right way.
2. I most certainly will make use of my safe words when necessary and also without worry.
3. I am going to adhere to Sir’s/Mistresses directions to the best of my capability at all times
3. Orgasms are a privilege because they are owned by My Mistress/Master. I am going to request Sir for authorization to cum but will give thanks to him or her after everyone.
4. We will dress as well as groom myself personally to please Owner.
5. I most certainly will be truthful with my Sir/Madam.

6 ) I am going to understand myself personally and also be truthful with myself. ( temet nosce )
7 ) I most certainly will do anything whatsoever I can to satisfy my Dominants, as well as I, am going to continuously take into consideration and also look for different ways to please them.
8 ) I will be able to communicate truthfully and also clearly with my Sir, which includes the right utilization of safewords.
9 ) Any specific incentive or advantage is provided to me by my Sir/Mistress, I am going to give thanks to him or her and by no means seek out any specific reward or privilege without authorization.
10 ) In the event that I have already been in violation of such rules in thought or even behaviour, I am going to report to my Sir and even request forgiveness.
11 ) I am going to embrace suitable correction and physical punishment for almost any transgression I have been guilty of.

Rules for Myself As The Dominant

1. I will at all times act within my submissive’s best interest, regardless if it contradicts my individual desires and/or needs.
2. I will continually be clear and also truthful with my submissive but will pay attention to their requirements as well as needs and wants.
3. I am going to constantly respect the utilization of safewords by Instantly stopping the activity that triggered the utilization of the safeword as well as taking care of any specific requirements that the submissive has got.
4. I am going to provide you with proper protection from the maximum harm as is possible to my submissive. This consists of injury from other people, them-selves, or even from myself personally, and also consists of psychological and also emotional damage in addition to physical.
5. I will Take control of my submissive. This consists of however is not restricted to the following:

I am going to utilize my valuable time, attention, training, control, also my cruelty, to seize my submissive away from their comfort areas and also pressure them to bend, stretch out, and also grow.

I will not press him or her past the cracking point, however, I will constantly make an attempt to get them to it. I am going to regard the hard limits which are established by and also for my submissive.

I will issue physical punishment together with incentive/reward depending on merit. I most certainly will continuously look for different ways to Take control of my submissive, and also will take them further.

6. In the event that I violate any one of these guidelines, my submissive has got the right to revoke her/his permission, permanently or even for the time being , in so doing discharging herself from all of the accountability as well as demands enforced by the rules , demands as well as requirements I have put on her/him .


Keep in mind that the sub is an individual, and so needs to be permitted a safe word and also secure space to recuperate after actively playing. Even though they agree to be your property or even the plaything, they have to be well looked after to perform their responsibilities appropriately.

1 thought on “How to be a good submissive”

  1. As a guy, I’m not in any position to tell you how to go about lasting longer or how to have multiple orgasims. But I’ll say this, if a guy was coming here with the same problem all the girls would say, make sure she has an orgasm even if you come first…make sure she gets hers to.

    So no matter what, just know that having sex is about both people having an orgasm. So while yes it’d be great if you could figure out a way to last longer, even if you can’t there will always be ways to help your boyfriend orgasm.

    Whether it’s switching to oral, hands, butt…whatever works. You may find that when you start doing oral that you become aroused again. So you can always go back into intercourse if this is the case. Beyond that…I’m not sure what to tell you about lasting longer.

    Usually different positions seem to create different levels of orgasm for women, at least in my experience. I would imagine that trying different positions would help a lot. I also think that Ironmouth’s suggestion is a good one as well, but not all the time. I’m sure some of the ladies on here will make some meaningful suggestions to help you. Just have fun…that’s always key.

    Doesn’t seem like a great idea, but … Local anaesthetic? There are creams that make you somewhat numb.

    There are training methods and literature available for men who would like to postpone orgasm. Some of them work; Suggest you look into them? Surely there’s something that can be adapted.

    Rather than trying to change what seems to be working (well!) for you, is there more adjusting you could do to try to make the timeline of your and your partner’s orgasms align more closely together? To be blunt, could you give him varied enthusiastic blowjobs (and/or whatever else he loves), watch porn that he loves with him, etc. — all things that won’t “overarouse” you, but will get him so close to the brink that he’s ready to come within 2-7 minutes of penetrative intercourse, right about when you do… and you both can then enjoy your want-to-cuddle-glow time together?

    As krilli mentioned, you can buy numbing agents from sex shops, but I suspect that these won’t really help much if your orgasms aren’t solely clitoral. These creams and gels are generally for external use only, so it’s probably not advisable to be using them intravaginally.

    After you come, stop having sex for 10 minutes or so, then start up again. I don’t come as easily as you, but I always come before my bf, and it is uncomfortable for me to keep on going. After a short break, I’m back into it. I only rarely come a 2nd time, but after the break the “ouch, sex is over” feeling is replaced with the sexy feelings.

    (Fwiw, in my opinion, multiple orgasms of the instantly sequential type are something you are just built for or not. Or you can sort of fake them by drawing just to the edge of the big one, then backing off repeatedly. That does not sound like it would work for you, though. But taking a break and revving the engines back up after a few minutes might!)

    “Your head has to be completely in it. Our brains are our most sexual organs, so if you expect sex, loving, funtime to end with your orgasm, it will. Also if you expect your partner, and your partner alone to furnish all of you sexual excitment I can see why you just want to curl up and enjoy the post orgasmic haze.”

    This is unduly harsh I think, and if the OP is anything like me, just not the problem/not how it works. It can be a very powerful physical off-switch for interest in anything sexual, and I don’t see where the OP shows a lack of commitment to making sure her partner has a good time.

    OP, I wish you had provided an anon email address (or that we could have the damn anon answering, the lack of which has made me decide not to answer three or so questions in the past week). The only solutions I can suggest are either making his orgasm essentially part of your foreplay, or trying very different types of stimulation after you come from whatever first got you there. I could have written this, and I’m watching the other responses with interest.

    First, your head needs to be in the right space. If, after you orgasm, you assume you are either going to have to keep going when you don’t want to, or disappoint your partner, that’s going to mess with your mind.

    So set the stage for success. Let your boyfriend know that you want to see what happens if you experiment, and this is new territory for you, so you’re not sure where this is going to take the two of you. Get excited about the idea of charting new territory with him.

    but right after orgasm, I feel completely non-sexual and continuing is the last thing I want to do. Then, either I continue having sex anyway until my partner comes (but that feels kind of uncomfortable, and sort of ruins my orgasm “feeling good want to cuddle glow”), or b) we stop having sex, and my boyfriend doesn’t come (bummer for him).

    Sex should be fun! Forget the all or nothing, winner takes all attitude. Yes, results are important, but getting there is half the fun.

    After you climax the first time*: Don’t stop. Don’t go on. Just pause, and indulge yourself. Get that glow, wriggle and purr if you want to. Don’t think about anything at all, just be in the moment.

    You short-change yourself, or your partner, if you turn sex into a chore. This is not a chore. It’s a Grand Experiment, to see how far you can go. After a moment, feel where continuing on is taking you. Be selfish. Go slow if you want, get on top and set the pace, touch yourself or have him touch you, get hands and fingers and mouths and toes in there if you want to–go with whatever feels best in the moment. Just give yourself over to nothing else but arousing yourself again.

    Don’t worry about being selfish–I guarantee that your boyfriend is going to enjoy the ride.

    You might be surprised at what you are capable of!

    Maybe climaxing fast is the only thing that’s been holding you back all this time. You’re usually so aroused just thinking about having sex that by the time you get down to sexytime, you are already just-on-the-brink-of-orgasm.

    So what you’ve been perceiving as feeling “asexual” and like you’re “not really interested in continuing,” could really just be you, not having psyched yourself up yet. You just have to find that place you were before you climaxed, and re-capture that excited anticipation that drove you so crazy the first time*.

    *Part of the head game: that was just the first time. Remember, there’s more to come!

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