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How to be a good submissive

Ideas, Thoughts, Techniques on being  a good Slave

It is a question that many submissives ask.

How do you be a good slave?

How do you do what is required of you?

Understanding Types of Submissives in BDSM Relationships

You’re no stranger to power play in the bedroom. But when it comes to submission, it can be tricky to know your role. Whether you’re an eager-to-please service sub, a bratty provocateur, or somewhere between, understanding submission types helps you own your desires. In this article, we’ll explore popular submissive identities to help you find your fit.

From slutty bottoms to little girls and boys, we cover the spectrum of sexual surrender and how to healthily inhabit each. We’ll also touch on common misconceptions about subs, so you can represent your authentic kinky self. Let’s delve into the diverse world of consensual power exchange and help you fly your freak flag high.

Defining Submission in BDSM Relationships

Submission means different things to different people. For some, it’s a chance to give up control and let their partner take the lead. For others, it’s a way to serve and please their dominant.

Three common types of submissives are:

Pleasers aim to satisfy their dominant’s every need and desire. Their submission is focused on serving and devotion. Pleasers often enjoy tasks like giving massages, cooking meals, and helping their dominant relax.

Brats purposely misbehave and disobey to provoke punishment and funishment from their dominant. They sass, tease, and push boundaries but ultimately want to be disciplined and reminded of their place. Taming a brat can be challenging but rewarding for the right dominant.

Slaves have a deep desire to be owned and controlled. They want to give themselves fully to their master or mistress. Slaves crave strict rules, protocols, and the feeling of being owned. They find freedom in obedience and take pride in being a good slave.

As you can see, submission means different things to different people. The key is finding what works for you and your partner. Through open communication, you can explore your interests at your own pace and find your perfect balance of power and pleasure.

Types of Submissives: Service, Sexual, and Domestic

Service Submissives

Service submissives live to please their Dominants through acts of service. They gain satisfaction from completing chores, running errands or performing helpful tasks for their partners. As a service submissive, you aim to make your Dominant’s life easier in any way you can. Your submission is expressed through useful service rather than just sexual or play.

Sexual Submissives

Sexual submissives submit to their partners specifically in the bedroom or during scenes. They gain pleasure from giving up control of their sexuality and pleasing their Dominants. As a sexual submissive, you may engage in acts like bondage, impact play or roleplaying strictly during intimate times. Outside of the bedroom, you function as equals.

Domestic Submissives

Domestic submissives submit by maintaining the household and serving in a caretaker role. They do things like cleaning, cooking meals, running errands and generally ensuring the smooth operation of the home. As a domestic submissive, you gain satisfaction from creating a comfortable environment for your Dominant and handling domestic responsibilities. You express your submission through homemaking and caretaking.

The type of submissive you are depends on what aspects of service and submission you find most personally fulfilling. Many submissives embody a combination of these roles, shaping them to suit their own needs and relationship dynamics. The most important thing is that you and your partner(s) communicate openly about what you want and need.

How do you be a good slave?

How do you do what is required of you?

To be honest, it isn’t a question that can have a definitive answer.

The world of BDSM and S&M is so vast, with so many areas, that it is impossible to pinpoint “this is how you do it properly”.

For example, a slave who undergoes small penis humiliation has an entirely different set of regulations, for want of a better word, than a sissy maid has. Likewise, the sissy maid has different requirements than a cock and ball torture slave.

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So the question you should be asking is how do I be a good slave? The answer to that lies very much in what type of S&M activities you are “into”.

It should also be noted that while it is important to be, or at least want to be, a good slave it is equally important to have a good Mistress, one who knows what she is doing.

There are hundreds of women out there and on femdom cam sites who think it is easy to be a dominatrix. You call a guy a pig or a loser, maybe slap his balls a few times or give him a few whacks with a cane and that’s all there is to it. Wrong.

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On so many levels. A good Dominatrix, a REAL Mistress, will understand that a slave can only be a good slave if he is effectively nurtured. That might seem strange to some. “Nurtured?

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They’re slaves. You treat them like dirt don’t you?”. Technically you do but you have to remember, a slave is like a pencil. If you break it, it’s not good for you. Likewise, if you break your male slave then he’s no use to you after that.

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A proper Domme will take the time to find out what a sub-area of preference in BDSM is and then what his limits are then push them to the edge but not way over them. Only with a good mistress can a good slave be found.

So back to the question that brought you here. Firstly, you need to admit what turns you on. You need to admit to yourself you want SPH, CBT, sissy maid crossdressing, boot worship, or whatever it is about BDSM that gets you off. When you are ready to admit it to a dominatrix, you will be able to be a better slave.

You need to accept that fundamentally, femdom, BDSM, and S&M are fantasy. Lifestyle and permanently live in slaves do exist but the majority of submissive males, especially the type who are reading this, are in it for the fantasy.

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They want to be owned, made to serve, and be dominated but only for as long as a session. You can always be a sub to females but a femdom session is a different thing. That is why you need to admit what you want and be detailed. It’s no good saying “I want to be humiliated” to a Mistress. Humiliated how? SPH? Cuckolded? Fat Shaming? Name-calling? Boot or ass worship? There are 5 examples off the top of my head, and there are hundreds possibly thousands of other examples.

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If you just say “Humiliate me” then she has to totally guess what you want and if it’s not what you are fantasizing then you will not respond to it in the way that is expected. Do you think this will make you a good slave? Hardly!

Likewise, if you like cock and ball torture but you neglect to tell her, hoping she can read your mind, and she goes down the route of anal play then you will resist this and begin to act out. That is not good for anyone.

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There are two types of female domination. Sensual and strict. Sensual is where a soft-spoken Domme will have a slave but be kind to him. Speaking nicely, having him rub her feet, fetch her tea, etc. She is always in charge and he always knows his place but it is a calm environment where a slave is treated fairly.

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The other type is strict. This one is where the sub is treated like dirt. Slapped, kicked, mocked, ridiculed, humiliated and insulted. These sessions are more brutal, for want of a better word, and the Dominatrixes need to know what kind of sub you are. If you are a sensual type, then having her sneer and spit at you isn’t going to work. Likewise, if you desire a man-hater then her asking you to fetch her a cup of tea isn’t going to get your motor running.

So now we have established that you need to tell your Domme what you want and enjoy, how do you be what is expected? Well, the fundamental number one rule is “Always be respectful”.

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This woman is naturally dominant and as such sees herself superior to you. This isn’t part of the roleplay or fantasy. A true Dominatrix feels this way 24/7.

Therefore she must always be treated with the utmost respect. That means calling her Mistress (teenage Dommes sometimes prefer Princess), following her commands to the letter, and not answering back.

A good slave will know what his owner wants before she asks. If he sits down after a day’s shopping, she shouldn’t have to tell you to take her boots off and rub her feet.  

If she bends over, you should worship her ass before she has to tell you. However, you need to be careful you don’t overstep your boundaries. An overeager slave is not a good slave. She might not want you salivating and touching her so it is a very fine line, one which must be treated with caution.

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Of course, being a good slave is not always about doing exactly as you are told. Some subs like to be punished. You might enjoy a whipping, a spanking, or a belting. Maybe some face slapping or hair pulling.

You can “step out of line” and receive this but still be considered “good”. A good Domina will know the difference between disrespect and purposeful wrongdoing as part of the roleplay fantasy. You don’t need to worry about not being seen as a good slave if you need to be punished. It doesn’t make you a bad one

So in conclusion, being a good slave is not an exact science nor reliant on the submissive. To be a good sub you must show respect, be honest, and don’t be afraid. If you are genuinely afraid of your Mistress when she isn’t doing her job right.

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You should fear to displease her but if you are terrified then you will not be effective. To be a good slave you need to be scared of upsetting her but not so terrified you piss your pants at the thought of angering her. It is a balance. One which you will find as you enter the world of BDSM and find a Mistress

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Below is some Bdsm Rules for Slaves to follow

1. I should always address my Sir/Mistress the right way.
2. I most certainly will make use of my safe words when necessary and also without worry.
3. I am going to adhere to Sir’s/Mistresses directions to the best of my capability at all times
3. Orgasms are a privilege because they are owned by My Mistress/Master. I am going to request Sir for authorization to cum but will give thanks to him or her after everyone.
4. We will dress as well as groom ourselves personally to please the Owner.
5. I most certainly will be truthful with my Sir/Madam.

6 ) I am going to understand myself personally and also be truthful with myself. ( temet nosce )
7 ) I most certainly will do anything whatsoever I can to satisfy my Dominants, as well as I, am going to continuously take into consideration and also look for different ways to please them.
8 ) I will be able to communicate truthfully and also clearly with my Sir, which includes the right utilization of safewords.
9 ) If Any specific incentive or advantage is provided to me by my Sir/Mistress, I am going to give thanks to him or her and by no means seek out any specific reward or privilege without authorization.
10 ) If I have already violated such rules in thought or even behaviour, I am going to report to my Sir and even request forgiveness.
11 ) I am going to embrace suitable correction and physical punishment for almost any transgression I have been guilty of.

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Rules for Myself As The Dominant

1. I will at all times act within my submissive’s best interest, regardless if it contradicts my individual desires and/or needs.
2. I will continually be clear and also truthful with my submissive but will pay attention to their requirements as well as needs and wants.
3. I am going to constantly respect the utilization of safewords by Instantly stopping the activity that triggered the utilization of the safeword as well as taking care of any specific requirements that the submissive has got.
4. I am going to provide you with proper protection from the maximum harm as is possible to my submissive. This consists of injury from other people, themselves, or even from myself personally, and also consists of psychological and emotional damage in addition to physical.
5. I will Take control of my submissive. This consists however is not restricted to the following:

I am going to utilize my valuable time, attention, training, control, also my cruelty, to seize my submissives away from their comfort areas and pressure them to bend, stretch out, and grow.

I will not press him or her past the cracking point, however, I will constantly attempt to get them to it. I am going to regard the hard limits which are established by and also for my submissive.

I will issue physical punishment together with incentives/rewards depending on merit. I most certainly will continuously look for different ways to Take control of my submissive and also will take them further.

6. If I violate any one of these guidelines, my submissive has the right to revoke her/his permission, permanently or even for the time beingin so doing discharging herself from all of the accountability as well as demands enforced by the rules, demands as well as requirements I have put on her/him.

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Keep in mind that the sub is an individual, and so needs to be permitted a safe word and also secure space to recuperate after actively playing. Even though they agree to be your property or even the plaything, they have to be well looked after to perform their responsibilities appropriately.

How to Be a Good Submissive Partner

Being a submissive partner in a BDSM relationship requires care, communication and commitment. As the submissive, your role is to please your dominant partner, but that doesn’t mean being a doormat.

Set Clear Boundaries

Discuss your limits, needs and safewords with your dominant before engaging in any activities. Be open about what you’re comfortable with and not interested in trying. Your comfort and safety should be top priorities.

Communicate Openly

Speak up if something does not feel right or if you have concerns. Let your dominant know how intense a scene feels for you, if their commands are unclear, or if aftercare is needed. Honest communication will help build trust and lead to better experiences for both parties.

Follow Instructions Carefully

A good submissive obeys their dominant’s commands promptly and fully. Listen for instructions carefully and ask for clarification if needed. Carry out orders to the best of your ability to show your dominant respect and devotion. At the same time, don’t do anything unsafe or illegal, even under orders. Your well-being comes before submission.

Provide Aftercare

After an intense scene, aftercare is essential for both dominants and submissives. Cuddling, talking, hydrating and sometimes sleeping can help you both come down from the adrenaline high and reconnect as partners outside your roles. Make sure to communicate what aftercare you need to feel safe, secure and cared for following play.

By setting clear boundaries, openly communicating needs, carefully following orders and providing aftercare, you can become the perfect submissive partner. Ultimately though, the most important thing is making sure you and your dominant feel respected, valued and fulfilled.

Collaring Ceremonies and Symbolic Acts of Submission

Collaring ceremonies are an important symbolic act of submission for many submissives and their Dominants. A collar is placed around the submissive’s neck to signify their devotion and belonging to their Dom. Some subs may wear their collar at all times as a reminder of their dynamic, while others reserve it only for play or special occasions.

Choosing a collar is a meaningful experience for new submissives. Do you want a simple leather collar or an ornate padlocked chain? A personalized collar with your Dom’s name or a discreet option you can wear under your everyday clothes? Discuss your options together to find what suits your dynamic and personality best.

Some subs create collaring ceremonies to formally recognise the significance of their new collar. You might kneel before your Dom as they place the collar around your neck for the first time. They may give a speech highlighting your journey so far as a sub and hopes for the future. You respond with a heartfelt thank you, reaffirming your commitment to serving them.

Other symbolic acts of submission include kneeling at your Dom’s feet, addressing them by title and waiting for their instruction, or prostrating yourself before them in a low bow. These physical acts help reinforce your mindset as a submissive and the power exchange in your dynamic.

Performing symbolic acts of submission, both privately and during formal ceremonies, creates intimacy between you and affirms your dedication as a submissive. The meaning behind these gestures will be unique to your dynamic.

FAQs on Different Types of Submission: Service, Sexual and Domestic

What is service submission?

Service submission refers to a submissive who enjoys pleasing their dominant partner through acts of service. This could include tasks like cleaning, cooking meals, running errands or other chores. The submissive gains satisfaction from serving and obeying their dominant’s commands. For some, service submission can be a form of worship or a spiritual experience.

What is sexual submission?

Sexual submission involves a submissive partner who gives up control of their sexuality and pleasure to a dominant partner. The submissive follows the dominant’s commands regarding when, where and how sexual activity occurs. This type of submission focuses on the physical act of sex and giving up control of one’s body and orgasms.

What is domestic submission?

Domestic submission refers to a submissive who focuses on maintaining the household and daily life of their dominant partner. The submissive may handle chores, errands, finances, and more – essentially acting as a stay-at-home partner who ‘keeps the home fires burning’. Domestic submission provides structure and purpose for the submissive while allowing the dominant to focus on other pursuits.

Within any BDSM relationship, submission can take many forms. Some submissives may embody one primary type, while others express themselves through a combination of service, and sexual and domestic submission. The key is finding what fulfils both partners and enhances their connection.

Sub Dom Relationship

As a submissive, you have certain needs and desires that you want fulfilled in a BDSM relationship. The key is finding a dominant partner who matches well with your specific type of submissiveness. Are you more of a brat who likes to be disciplined? Or are you a service sub who gets pleasure from following orders and being useful to your dom?

The Brat

Brats are submissives who enjoy pushing boundaries and being punished for it. If you get excitement from teasing your dom, talking back, or disobeying orders just to get a reaction, you likely fall into this category. Brats often need patient, experienced dominants who can give them the discipline they crave without losing their temper. The give-and-take between a brat and their dom creates a thrilling power struggle.

The Service Sub

Service subs aim to please their doms through obedience, loyalty and acts of service. If you get joy from following orders, performing household tasks, and generally being useful to meet your dominant’s needs, you have the mindset of a service sub. Service subs tend to flourish with dominants who express clear expectations, give rewards and praise for good service rendered, and make their sub feel valued for their contributions. The service sub/dom dynamic is built on mutual care, trust and respect.

The Sensual Sub

For sensual subs, submission is a means of heightened sensual and sexual pleasure. If you become aroused or experience bliss from acts like sensual play, bondage, spanking or role play with a trusted dominant partner, sensual submission may be your style. Sensual subs often pair well with dominants who are tuned in to their sub’s pleasure points, take things at the sub’s pace and provide lots of sensual stimulation, both sexual and non-sexual. The connection between a sensual sub and their dom is intensely passionate.

Submissive Phonesex

Some submissives enjoy expressing their submissiveness over the phone. Phonesex allows a submissive to explore submission from the safety of their own home. As a submissive, you can describe acts of submission to your partner and follow their commands. Hearing a dominant voice instructing you over the phone can be highly arousing for many subs.

Following commands

A dominant may give you commands to follow during your call, like stripping, kneeling, spanking yourself, using sex toys on yourself, etc. Following these commands helps satisfy your desire to submit and please your dominant. Be prepared for your dominant to possibly give more intense commands, and have a way to safely signal if anything becomes too uncomfortable.

Roleplaying scenarios

Roleplaying different BDSM scenarios over the phone allows you to explore your submissive fantasies. For example, you may pretend to be a slave auctioned off to your dominant, a maid, secretary or pet. Describe how you would serve and submit to your dominant in these scenarios. Roleplaying is a creative way to experience the psychological aspects of submission.

Punishments and rewards

Your dominant may choose to punish or reward you during phonesex based on how well you follow their commands or please them. Punishments may include spanking, nipple clamps, humiliation or orgasm denial. Rewards could be praise, permission to orgasm or a small gift. The possibility of punishment or reward helps to give the experience a sense of realism. Discuss your limits regarding punishment before the call.

Phonesex is an easy way to experience submission without physical contact. However, it still requires the same care, communication and consent as any other BDSM activity. Discuss what you both want out of the experience beforehand and have a way to stop the scene if needed. With the right dominant, phonesex can be a thrilling and rewarding experience for a submissive.

Submissive Relationship

As a submissive, you give up control to a dominant partner during intimate encounters and scenes. However, there are several types of submissives, and finding where you fit on that spectrum can help ensure a fulfilling BDSM relationship.

The most common types are bottom, slave and brat. A bottom enjoys following orders and serving the dominant, but only during scenes. Outside the scene, they retain independence and equality. Slaves choose to give up more control, following their master’s orders even outside of play. Brats, on the other hand, enjoy playfully rebelling and being ‘punished’ by dominants. They often sass or talk back, wanting to be put in their place during a scene.

Where do you fall? Are you an obedient bottom who finds freedom in following commands? A slave seeking a total power exchange? Or a playful brat looking to be tamed? Discussing this with potential partners will help determine compatibility and ensure everyone’s needs are met.

Domination and submission are a spectrum, not an either/or choice. You may find you relate to aspects of multiple roles or sit somewhere in the middle. The key is finding what fulfils you while respecting your limits. Don’t feel pressured into a role that makes you uncomfortable. Your needs as a submissive are just as important as your dominant’s, so make sure to communicate openly about what you want and any hard limits you may have.

With understanding, trust and consent, submissives of any type can find bliss in giving up control to the right dominant partner. The rewards of such a relationship come from serving the dominant, obeying their commands and ultimately pleasing them during intimate scenes and play.


So there you have it, the main types of subs you might come across or recognise in yourself. Remember that no one fits neatly into a box and identities can be fluid. The most important thing is to know yourself, communicate openly with any partners and enter into BDSM from an informed, consenting and caring mindset. Play safe but play hard if you want to. And even if your kink doesn’t match someone else’s perfectly, embrace and celebrate each other’s quirks. Variety is the spice of life, so they say. Just be you, safely and ethically, as that’s what matters most