Safe Words and Limits – Erotic Punishment
A safeword is an easily-remembered but apparently irrelevant word your sub can use if he wants you to stop or pause. Some submissives still like to have a safe word whilst in a session for erotic punishment.
Having a secure word allows your servant/slave to beg you to stop, slow down, have mercy, etc, without you needing to worry that he wants you to stop or have mercy.
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If he did, he would say”giraffe” — or any type-safe word you’d agreed. If you’re a starting Mistress, always agree with a secure word with your slave. If he uses the safe word, you need to respect it.
Check out our page about BDSM Punishment where we look at all the different ways of punishing our submissives in the real world or online
Having said that, it is better to not push him to the point where he uses a secure word because that will make you both feel awful: you for being too harsh, and him for not being submissive enough to take the punishment you had decided was appropriate.
As you and your submissive gain experience of punishment, you might agree to forego using a safe word.
The reason why I used the term” apparently” there, is because you still have the ability to observe the effect you’re having on your sub; if he’s trembling and crying and begging you to stop, then as a caring Mistress you may cease, so you would have ceased long before things got to this point…
Unless you had previously agreed with him that’s where you’d take him and if you and your servant are already playing in that particular ballpark, you don’t really need to be reading this post.
Reasons for Punishment – Erotic Bdsm Sessions
Punishments should not be wholly random, either in real life or if imposed for sensual purposes, so do your best to provide some explanation for the punishments you inflict.
The explanation should come from Mistress Space, as a part of your shared dream of dominance and submission. It might be based on a Task or Quest that he”failed” (or which you chose to find fault with), or it could be that he failed to observe a few standing orders you have given him.
It may simply be that he spoke back to you in a disrespectful way. Your dominant desire — the fact your servant’s suffering will excite you, or you, teach him to better serve you — can also be a perfectly valid motivation for administering punishment.
In an erotic BDSM punishment session, Mistress will always find fault so she can carry on with her wicked ideas and kinky sexual pleasures.
The key point is that your servant will benefit from understanding why he is being disciplined, whatever that might be. If he has done something to displease you in your everyday life, you want to work through the problem not with sensual BDSM power-exchange, but by way of adult communication of another kind.
If you’re angry about some significant everyday transgression, a much better way to express that is to withhold the sensual erotic attention that a punishment represents — not as a method of hurting him or making a move in some type of game, but because expressing actual anger through physical punishment isn’t healthy.
There is no sense in risking hurt to a future romantic and sensual connection by bringing that sort of psychological emotion into your bedroom. Make-up sex can be great at the end of a fight; not so much
at the end of a whip.
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Why Does He Need Punishment?
Needless to say, the answer to this question will differ from submissive man to submissive man, but certain traits appear to be quite common:
Letting Go of Responsibility: to get a person with a high degree of responsibility in everyday life, surrendering means stepping away from this burden — and what better evidence he has surrendered, than he finds himself in the role of a servant and totally unable to save himself from whatever punishment his Mistress chooses to inflict on him, however painful or degrading?
Masochism: The bodily sensations and psychological effect of corporal punishment — of being spanked or whipped, for example — may give some guys erotic pleasure, especially when combined with other types of sexual stimulation and action.
Childhood Experience: When a young boy is physically or ritualistically punished with a female carer/authority-figure for the”crime” of not satisfying her while growing up, he can subconsciously come to associate punishment and helplessness with love and nurture.
Feeling Valued: Once you notice, recall and punish his infractions, you show him that you believe it’s worth taking the time and attempt to fix them in other words, that you appreciate him. Closely associated with this is your servant’s desire for your erotic care: if you’re focused on punishing him (or simply on preparing to punish him) then he can feel assured that you’re focused on him.
Anticipation
To your sub/servant, the sensual tension created through prolonged anticipation can appear just as strong as the punishment blessing itself. You may activate that anticipation by telling him beforehand — days or weeks, perhaps — precisely what he has in store.
Or, you can drop hints up at your ideas and leave the rest to his imagination. If you give him some details, he has to fully savour the anticipation of this act you’ve planned.
By changing your approach from time to time, you keep him somewhat off-balance and prevent the anticipatory period from feeling stale. If you have been keeping things mysterious, the commencement of your session is the time to show what he faces.
A delicious way to make this happen is to get your slave/ servant, once summoned and ready for punishment, to go bring you whatever implement you intend to use. Whether it be a cane, whip or slipper
Another choice is to make him bring it into his mouth (again just touching” his conclusion” of it( possibly ).To degrade him, you may even instruct him to go and return on all fours.
The revelation of what you may use on your slave does not finish his sense of expectancy, rather it kicks it into overdrive: his mind will now get to work on imagining in beautiful detail how the tool will feel.
Also, he still does not understand when the session and punishments will start, how severe it’ll be, how long it will last — what intermissions and other entertainments you may have planned.
So, have him ready and positioned for anything you’ve got in mind, then just pause. If you want, tease him by stroking him with your hands or using the tool, or by musing on it as if you have changed your mind about the sort of ideas you had in mind.
As soon as you do start to administer the punishment, there is still no rush. Vary the pacing of your whip strokes (or whatever other kinds of punishments you’re inflicting) — do not pause for as long as to risk boredom for both of you, but do allow a little time for him to obsess about what comes next.
Is that swishing noise you cutting the air, or planning another stroke in his buttocks?
Are you simply resting your whip hand for some time, or is his ordeal over, or are you going to move on to another kind of erotic torment?
Do take into consideration the seriousness of your strokes when deciding on pacing them. He’ll need more healing time if you’re striking hard with a cane or a riding crop, than if you’re striking more gently or employing a punishment device that’s less severe.
This way, you make inconsistent and unpredictable approaches towards ( him) periods during which the self-tormenting power of his mind goes to work, greatly amplifying your cruel physical ambitious torments and reducing the degree of real punishment necessary to get him to the level of submissive or masochistic satisfaction he desires.
Setting The Scene – For erotic Bdsm Sessions
The bedroom is your most personal and intimate space; it’s generally easy to control the mood and lighting; it has the advantage of having a mattress which (in addition to its apparent vanilla-sex uses) may function as a stage where your servant can be organized and presented, possibly even tied down, prepared for punishment.
One way to start is to get to your bedroom to prepare, leaving your slave/servant with instructions to arrive their himself in just fifteen minutes’ time, freshly showered, shaved and nude.
A pattern like this, used repeatedly and consistently, will soon become a potent erotic ritual as described in Ritual and Role-Play. Regardless of the fact, your submissive slave will be undressed while you’ll be wearing anything you choose, be sure that the area is at a temperature that is suitable for you.
Your slave’s chilliness isn’t important within reason; he’s here to suffer and function, not to be left too comfortable. Dim the lights, or flip them out completely and use candles instead.
If you prefer, have some suitable music playing. All such preparations should be done by you before the punishment session commences, or done by your sub under your close supervision as part of the session.
Take the chance to correct and rebuke any minor mistakes he makes in following your directions; keeping maximum private control over every detail of the setting reinforces the concept that this is your private domain and your word here is law.
The slave’s mental state will be affected by the amount of space. As I mentioned, your bedroom has a lot of qualities which make it a suitable place, but what if you want to push your submissive outside that comfort zone?
A part of your house that feels like a refuge, someplace that doesn’t carry the same connotation of solitude, will place him in an entirely different headspace.
Moving the punishment from a bedroom and on an adjoining upstairs landing, as an instance, may make a psychological difference to your slave that is out of proportion to the distance involved.
Another bit of scene-setting to think about is whether to put your slave in bondage during the punishment session — whether as a distinct portion of the session or to restrain him while you administer the punishment itself.
If he’s dressed in”servant accoutrements” like a leather collar and wrist cuffs, then it is both simple and natural to shield him (send him beforehand on a Quest to the hardware store if needed, to find any chains, shackles or padlocks which you may need).
The experience of being in bondage will enhance his sense of vulnerability, while the comfortable, snug sensation of straps or ropes may also be a comfort to your slave.
Tight but gentle rope bondage may feel good to him, but it will likely not bring the exact same feeling of immediate helplessness as that attained by the clicking noise of a set of handcuffs closing about his wrists as you fasten him to the headboard of your bed.
Safety First!
Never leave your servant alone while he is secured in bondage, and never put anything around his neck which may cut off his breathing.
Always have away (for example, a secure word) for him to indicate that he wants to be released.
For optimum security when chaining/padlocking him to some immovable object, use procuring points made out of nylon rope or plastic cable ties.
This arrangement may be made completely escape-proof so far as your servant is concerned, but so long as you maintain a cutting edge tool useful, you will always have the ability to release him even when a lock jams.
Instruments
The ideal tool to use as a Mistress is the palm. Spanking is not as intimidating (both to you and your servant ) than real punishment toys. As the slave feels different sensations and feeling, so do you;
His buttocks (being much more sensitive) will hurt and sting more than your hands, but your hands will start to sting if you continue for long periods of time,over-the-knee bare-bottomed spanking, something which sets it apart from what could be accomplished with a paddle or a whip.
Using it on your sub you’re implicitly assigning him a more junior position, and casting yourself in the role of the individual who cares for him, makes decisions on his behalf, and if necessary, administers a loving correction.
If you would like to administer harsher punishments, or when you would like something which appears crueller, or even if you merely want to spare the stinging of your hand, then you will want to take into account a different instrument.
You might start by looking around your house: something like a wooden spatula from the kitchen can function perfectly well.
When you are ready, consider obtaining one of the numerous specialized punishment toys that are available:
- A light flogger with soft tails is a fantastic beginner’s choice. Do not worry if your servant is disappointed with this; your right and want to move at your own pace, reevaluate his desire for extreme sensation.
- The tawse is a brief, stiffened leather strap which has the advantage of being highly controllable; its stiffness and length have a tendency to make it go where you want it to, while the relatively large contact area (especially with a plain tawse instead of some split-ended one) means it won’t cut or render sharp welts.
In former times, the tawse was utilized on the hands of disobedient children in certain Irish and British schools. You may use it in precisely the exact same manner on your servant, but it comes into its own when applied to his behind. They have a tendency to deliver a deep, thudding feeling;
- If you’re searching for a more stinging effect then try a lighter and more flexible paddle — although in that case, I’d personally skip this option and go for a tawse
- The cane has connotations of college punishment which are even more powerful than those of this tool is fierce and you need to leave its use until you’re confident and comfortable with the more controllable alternatives.
- As a newcomer, you should start looking for an example using a generous soft leather tongue; you could create a satisfying snap onto his skin by flicking with this, If you would like to apply a more powerful treatment, use the shaft of the crop as opposed to the tongue but as with the cane, it takes practice speaking of training:
- Before using a new tool on your servant, you need to work with it for a little while to be able to get confident with it. Try it on the couch cushions or bedspread to understand how to handle it properly, and how to put strokes accurately.
Additionally experimentation by stroking or caressing your skin with several areas of the instrument, to get some understanding of the senses you’ll be committing to your slave when you will be doing the same thing to him.
Administering Punishment – AUDIO
This next session we have covered with the audio file. We have gone into depth about how to punish your slave or sub in this audio and ideas and different ways yo enhance the sensations as well as safety and areas where not to hit when whipping, caning or spanking.
What to Do Next? – Audio Version
This audio clip follows on from the rest of this article, where you are now wondering what you should next to your slave, sissy or submissive.
Alternative Punishments
Aside from the spankings and paddlings described up to now, there are other ways of Causing physical pain or distress to your slave.
Here are some examples of”non-corporal” forms of punishment
- Which is nevertheless Ordering him to maintain a stress position, such as kneeling on hard Wooden flooring or a bristled mat or standing with arms outstretched while gripping Lightweights (selected to cause difficulty and distress whilst enabling him to Encourage them for long enough to make the punishment meaningful)?
- Ordering him to do exercises like pushups, squats, or weights; or to Work, until he’s burned a specific number of calories on an exercise bike;
- Ordering him to get under a cold shower for a short period; it does not take long to make him understand who is in control.
- Blindfolding him through any other punishment to heighten the senses.
Not every kind of punishment is acceptable for every slave. For example, if your servant Has problems with his knee joints, you won’t need to force him into kneeling in a stress Position; if he’s cardiovascular troubles, you won’t need to push him into extreme Exercise actions beyond those recommended by his doctor.
On the other hand, if he is in great health and idle about exercising, This Type of Punishment or advancement program could benefit his fitness level that can go way beyond the sub/Mistress.erotic side of things.
Reluctance and Rebellion – In BDSM – Audio
In conclusion The Aftercare section
Even moderately extreme dominance play may leave your slave bruised, exhausted, trippy, possibly even shaking as if from the cold.
He might have feelings of inadequacy and even guilt, convincing himself that the session you supplied was done to please him and that you did not really enjoy it.
He might feel embarrassed and ashamed about what he’s permitted — needed — you to perform.
You, too, might feel tired. You may see the welts you have left on his skin and be worried that you have overdone things, so you want his reassurance that you did not stray too far from enjoyment and to pain.
Perhaps you simply have to understand that despite treating him cruelly, you still have your servant’s love and submission.
It’s impossible for us to forecast what aftercare somebody else might need. Some slaves feel the effects of extreme punishment session for days; others simply continue as though not much has happened.
Some slaves may end up feeling depressed, especially if extreme verbal humiliation was used on them.
The main issue is to bear in mind that you and your servant should take whatever time is required to slowly return to normal and to reassure and comfort one another so that neither feels abandoned. Cuddling can help; talking about it in depth can help.